Oil and Soap
by starwanker
Summary: Snap attempts to conduct an experiment on a bet. Rudy plays Shidduch, even though Snap's not actually Jewish. Penny is the first person in recorded history to use a dental dam for reasons other than dentistry.
1. Spaghetti Pockets

"So uh-"

"That movie was-"

Both stared at each other for a pregnant second before quickly backpedaling.

"You, uh, go first."

"No you."

Snap sighed. He looked down to his empty place mat and furrowed his brow. Where was Rudy?

Penny blushed. It was never like this before.

"I was just, um, saying how…'nice' that movie was." And it was. But that was it.

Tucking a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, Penny expectantly looked back to her friend- no, that wasn't right. Boyfriend.

Snap just stared. He had nothing else to say. Which was odd, because normally he wouldn't shut up. Penny felt her face heat even further and she was forced to look away. It was quiet for a few seconds before she heard Snap finally speak up.

"Penny, you know, we don't have to act like this is-"

"Bon appétit!" Snap started at the interruption. Both he and Penny snapped their heads towards the kitchen swinging doors. They flapped open and shut in the wake of a very animated Rudy. "Dinner is served! One plate of real world spaghetti for the real world madam," down slams a bowl, brimful with angel hair pasta slathered in tomato sauce and laden with meat balls (most of the sauce remained on the pasta, though a few splashes landed on Penny's shirt), "and one plate of %100 pure, grade-A White Lightening spaghetti for the chalk sir!" With a quick, theatrical wave beneath Snap's face, Rudy slapped the second bowl onto the placemat. He stepped back and clapped his hands together in an over-enthusiastic manner that made both Penny and Snap flinch. The boy was clearly proud of his handiwork. "Alright, eat up, suckers!"

Penny and Snap shared a weary glance. A few seconds passed before they both turned back to their friend. Rudy stood at attention, his clasped hands and wide grin persisting as he eyed the two.

"Uh, okay. Rudy. This isn't gonna work." Snap looked like he wanted to pinch his nose, had he possessed one.

"What? You haven't even tasted my spaghetti yet." Rudy slumped his shoulders and slouched so despondently that he spun around in place. Complete with a little heel kick.

"Whoa, whoa, no need to throw a hissy fit, Bucko. I'm not talking about the food, I'm-"

"You're not talking about Penny, are you! You guys haven't even been dating a week yet! I'm not letting you give up on this relationship already!" Rudy fervently shook his head. Penny rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair, getting comfortable.

"No, Rudy-"

"I mean it's your first official date!"

"Rudy…"

"Just try the spaghetti!"

Sighing, Penny stood up. Rudy, who was currently attempting to airplane a forkful of spaghetti into his friends closed mouth, turned to look at his other friend in surprise.

"What, you're leaving?"

"No! I'm escorting you out!" Without another word, Penny grabbed Rudy by his elbow and pushed him back into the kitchen. "We appreciate your effort, but your presence is smothering us." Rudy stumbled out of sight past the saloon doors.

"Oh. Well why didn't you say so." He called. Penny ignored him. She turned back to Snap and smiled.

"He's worse than my mother."

"You don't have a mother."

"It was a joke."

Penny raised a single brow.

"Y'know. Cause?" Snap moved his hands in a self-indicating gesture. Penny raised the other brow.

"I'm Jewish! He's like a Jewish mother. What with the matchmaking and all."

"Wait, you're Jewish?" Penny thought back to the past few years she'd known Snap. Not once had she ever recalled him mentioning being Jewish, or any other religion for that matter.

"I mean, I always thought I was." Snap said, nonchalantly poking at his plate of spaghetti.

"What?" Penny leaned forward, capturing her boyfriend's attention again. "That doesn't make any sense. Do you even know what being Jewish means, Snap?"

"Uh, yeah Penny. Of course I do, seeing as I am Jewish." The chalk-boy dug his fork into the pasta and brought it up to eye level, twirling the plume of soppy noodles around in apparent disinterest. This only made Penny more determined. "Rudy drew me Jewish." He said, as if discussing the weather.

"Seeing as Rudy is Greek Orthodox, I highly doubt he would specifically designate you as Jewish in his design. Especially as an eight year old."

"Hey, hey!" That finally seemed to catch him. "What's wrong with being Jewish?! You trying to say kids don't think Jews are cool? An eight year old would. An eight year old did! I'm not just a Jew, I'm a hero Jew!"

"Wait- you're supposed to be a super hero? Ugh, never mind, that doesn't matter; I saw you eat an entire plate of bacon yesterday! By yourself!"

"So?"

Penny face palmed.

"Snap. Judaism is a religion. One that dictates that its conservative, practicing followers cannot eat certain 'unclean' animals." Penny stressed each word by elongating the 's', a habit she had when annoyed.

"Wait, really?" Snap dropped his fork, letting the spaghetti splatter back down onto the plate. He didn't seem to notice the red stains on his 'cape'. "It's not just talking a certain way?"

"What?!" Penny let out in a guffaw. All of her previous irritation gone in an instant. It was Snap's turn.

"What's so funny, huh?" He asked, crossing his arms and scooting back into his seat. Snap, for all of his ego, didn't like the insinuation that he was dumb. It was something he had become increasingly sensitive about the closer he got to Penny.

Penny's response was to shake her head in a way Snap could only describe as endearingly condescending.

"That's not how it works. Being Jewish has nothing to do with regional dialects, and besides, even if we're talking about accents, you've clearly got a New Jersey accent."

"New Jersey?" Snap looked lost, and for a moment, Penny wanted to do nothing more reach across their little makeshift Lady and the Tramp styled barrel-table (something Rudy had insisted on setting up, for the sake of ambiance) and squeeze him. But she held off. If not just to tease him a bit more.

"I used to think it was a New York accent, sometimes vacillating between a Bronx, Long Island, and even Brooklyn type inflection, but no, it's definitely New Jersey."

"It's supposed to be Boston." A third voice startled the couple, eliciting an immediate 'Rudy!' from both. "Alright, alright, I'm leaving for good. I just forgot my chalk." Rudy peeked his head through the kitchen doors once more, wearing an impish grin. "Seriously though, I wanted Snap to be from Boston. I just didn't know how to distinguish it from any other upstate accents when I was little. They all sound the same." And with that, the artist-chef-matchmaker was gone.

Penny and Snap waited a few tense moments, and then relaxed.

"Huh. So I'm not Jewish?"

"Nope."

"My whole life has been a lie."

"I mean you could be Jewish if you wanted to be. You get to choose what religion you are."

"Yeah. I think I do. I like telling people that. Also, I have no idea what a Boston is. It doesn't sound as cool."

Once again, silence filled the room. For some reason, Penny and Snap felt awkward. Funny how the simple addition of a lit candle and a checkered tablecloth could really stifle the mood. Worse yet was the quiet Bosa Nova playing in the background. Penny coughed. Snap looked around. His eyes landed on the boom box sitting in the corner of the room. It was barley visible in the dark, only the light pouring in from the kitchen illuminated the top of its handle. Without warning, Snap stood from his seat and walked over to the device, delivering a swift kick. The CD skipped to a stop, and the radio buzzed to life. An unidentifiable, but distinguishably punk song began to play, one that Snap seemed satisfied with.

"There, that's better." Pleased, the chalk boy sauntered over back to his seat and plopped down. He gave Penny a smile. "Something about that elevator music Rudy put on was making me nervous."

Penny giggled.

"Me too. I don't know where he got his basis for a romantic night out, but wherever it was must've been cheesy."

"He watches too many Disney movies."

"Agreed."

Penny looked down to her meal. She hadn't touched it yet, and despite playing around with his own plate, neither had Snap.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. Snap shook his head. "Me neither. I only agreed to eat because Rudy said we should. Why did we let him plan this for us in the first place?"

"You're asking me." Snap answered, twirling his fork around his fingers with one hand, supporting his chin with the other.

"He'll be heartbroken if we don't eat his spaghetti."

"I'm Jewish; we can't eat spaghetti."

Penny rolled her eyes. Snap did the same, but without pupils it was hard to tell. Suddenly he sat upright.

"Why don't we dump the spaghetti and bust this joint? Go do something fun instead?"

Penny smiled.

"I'd like that."

* * *

><p>With a boombox in one hand and a Latina in the other, Snap White sped down the rolling streets of Chalkzone City on a skateboard. With the (temporarily) setting sun falling behind their backs, the couple glided into the dark of Night Zone.<p>

All was well, and pretty rad, that is, until Snap hit a rock. He went sailing, face first, into the pavement. Penny followed in a head over heel tumble. Last came the boombox, which shattered upon impact into several large chunks of plastic.

Penny groaned as she pushed herself up from the sidewalk. She gave herself a quick once over, relieved to find that any and all scrapes were nothing but colorful streaks of chalk dust. Then she looked over to Snap. Or rather, she looked up, and followed the two foot long blue skidmark that led to her boyfriend.

Snap let out a muffled sound. His face had broken his fall and carried the weight and momentum of his upright body as it hung in the air. With a thump, everything came crashing back down to earth. He lay sprawled out with his arms and legs splayed at his sides.

"Snap?"

Another muffled mumble. Penny walked over to his side and looked down at him.

"Snap, are you okay?"

Snap finally managed to look up at Penny. She cringed at the sight; his normally blue and white face was purple and red.

"No worse for the wear. Sorry about that, buckette." Penny reached down and helped the chalk-boy up. She shot a glance back to their skateboard, now missing a wheel.

"It's okay. We can just walk from here. Mind actually telling me what you had planned?"

Snap picked the board up and groaned at the busted axel. He could always ask Rudy to draw him a new one. Preferably a motorized one that could steer itself. Or maybe a bike. Actually, a car. And a license. Yeah, that's what he'd ask for.

"Whelp, the surprise will be ruined, but I might as well." Snap turned to his girlfriend with a spilt-milk grin. "We're gonna go exploriating!" he cried, throwing his hands up as if it were a surprise party. His bravado died down after a few moments of quiet from Penny. "Well, whaddya think?"

"Without Rudy?" Penny asked.

"Duh! We always go with Rudy. Hell, I've hung with Rudy solo more than I have with you, and I'm pretty sure the odds stack up the same from your end, am I right?"

"Yes…"

"And this is a," Snap paused to rub the back of his neck, and Penny couldn't help but notice the slight tinge of pink coloring his cheeks despite his mask. Of course, it could've been a scrape, "well, you know. This is a date. So of course we're gonna be alone! And I know you hated that movie as much as I did." Penny had to nod at this. Rudy found a little drive in, a 'historical' (in Chalkzone, historical could mean literally- a place of historical significance, **or** it could mean that an angsty 13 year old who just learned about retro and vintage Tumblr picture blogs or about British history in school might draw sprawling Vaudeville dance halls and dilapidated castles with towering spires) theater that reeked of art house films, stale popcorn, and sentient oversized glasses with handle bar mustaches attached. Needless to say the film didn't keep either of their attention. "If we kept following his little setup, we'd wind up feeding each other grapes. So; movie's out, neither of us are hungry, so what's left to do in Chalkzone?"

"A lot of things, actually-"

"Exactly! And we're gonna go do them, and have fun! So let's go!" Snap grabbed Penny's hand and tugged her forward. She resisted.

"Wait, so you don't have anything planned, as of yet?"

"No, but who needs plans? There's tons of things to do, you said so yourself. We just have to look."

Penny made a non-committal sound and followed. He did have a point. Given that Rudy promised to make all the arrangements, it would make sense that Snap didn't have any plans set, so Penny couldn't really complain about that. The two walked off, leaving behind the busted skateboard and broken boom box.

Despite the much slower pace and lack of action or excitement, Snap found himself enjoying the walk. Penny as well; she rarely held hands with anyone, let alone someone she liked as much as Snap.

"Do you think Rudy's feelings will be hurt that we left him without saying anything?"

"Naw, he'll understand. 'Sides, how many times have you guys ditched me?"

Penny looked down.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You two used to be all over each other, who could blame you?"

At this, Penny stopped. Snap was yanked backwards by the force, and turned to give Penny a confused look.

"What's the holdup?"

"You think we used to foster an attraction towards each other?" she asked.

"Uh, well, yeah. Of course. It was obvious Rudy had a massive crush on you when he first brought you into Chalkzone. And you'd always play along with it."

"Snap, we never viewed our relationship as anything more than platonic."

"Huh?"

"We're just friends."

"Well I know that now! But back then. Like when I first met you. You and I didn't get along too great."

Penny smiled at the memory.

"You were such a heel. So stubborn and cocky."

"Hey, hey! You weren't any better, Miss steal my man. You'd hog Rudy up all day, and all you ever wanted to do was study grass blades or 'observe' paint drying."

Penny crossed her arms.

"There is nothing wrong with pursuing my scientific exploits. Considering that I'd never even imagined anything like Chalkzone could exist, I think my reaction was perfectly natural. I think furthering my understanding of the world around me is much more admirable than 'exploriating' for cheap thrills."

"Pfft. You're a nerd." Snap teased. "But that's what I like about you. And for your information, buckette, exploriating is not about cheap thrills. I'm learning about just as much junk as your are staring through a microscope, and I'm having more fun doing it."

"Alright then. Prove it."

"Prove it? How?"

"Let's make a bet. I will abstain from all forms of data collecting if you can prove to that what you do holds quantitative weight."

"English!"

"Set up an experiment. Make it however wacky as you want, so long as it follows the scientific method. I'll even help you. And this can be our adventure."

"I dunno. That sounds kinda boring."

"If that's the way you want it, I can always start analyzing some Night Zone soil samples."

"No, no. No need. Let's get adventuring."

* * *

><p>Rudy checked his watch. He looked up, biting his lip in an attempt to veil a goofy, buck toothed grin, despite the fact that there was no one around to see it. He swung his legs. Looked to the wall clock. His hands fidgeted beneath his legs, producing a thin sheen of perspiration that finally caused one to slip from the edge of the bed he sat on. Rudy stumbled forward, catching himself with his other hand.<p>

"Okay, that's it. I can't wait any longer." It's not like he had anything else to do, anyone else to see, or anywhere else to go. His two best friends were finally dating! He had to go check up on them, make sure no one needed a refill of spaghetti.

Rudy lumbered down Snap's stairs. Sitting alone in the dark had made him feel a little bit dumb and awkward. While both of those things were fairly normal for Rudy, he liked to think that he had a little more social sense than when he was, say eight years old. He tripped on the last step, falling forward only to brace himself a conveniently placed end table. The vase on top wobbled precariously, but Rudy was quick. His graceful, Chuck Taylor clad feet caught on the floor, rubber tips on chalk-wood, and Rudy swung around the end table, letting out a panicked yelp as he shot forward. The vase tipped this way, then that, and finally, with one last fateful sway, it dropped.

"Oof!" Onto Rudy's back, and rolled onto the floor.

"Huh, well that was lucky." Rudy muttered. He pushed himself up off his stomach and looked back to his legs, which felt like they were a mile away. Rudy's most recent growth spurt left him lanky and unbalanced, therefore awkward. More awkward. But, he shrugged it off. He was good at not letting the little things get to him.

Standing upright, Rudy dusted his jeans and shirt off. He suddenly realized that he may have an audience, and bolted his head upright, ready to blush at any sarcastic comments Snap had.

But there was nothing. Rudy ventured a peek through the kitchen. As far as he could tell, the table was empty.

"Guys?"

He tiptoed into the kitchen, getting a better view through the double doors. Sure enough, the room was empty, the candle had gone out, and two plates of spaghetti sat unmolested.

"Aw, what!?"

Rudy hung his head in defeat. He limped over to the table and plopped down into what was Penny's seat, and poked at the spaghetti. He pushed the noodles around with his fork, finally funneling some up into the prongs, and then brought it to his mouth. Cold, but tasty. As he munched, he risked a glance up toward Snap's intended plate. He quirked a brow, his mouth still full of real-world spaghetti. Without warning, Rudy reached over with his fork and scoop up some of the chalk-pasta, and then stuffed the load into his mouth. He immediately spit the contents, both real and chalk, out all over Snap's dining room as he coughed and spluttered.

* * *

><p>Join us next chapter, where Snap experiments with safe science, Rudy enjoys some self stimulation, and Penny buys barrier contraceptives.<p> 


	2. Everyone has that Experimental Phase

I hope I'm going in the right direction with this...it's a little less cutesy than I wanted but this entire fic is based of some hilarious pictures I found on deviantart under the Snap/Penny tag...and those are a lot more frank than this. Not that they're dirty or anything! I'm just a prude, like Penny.

I tried so hard to be chaste with this, kind of like that one Seinfeld episode where they never explicitly state what their bet is about, but in so many words, they do. And you know. So be warned, this chapter's a bit...explicit. Without being explicit. It's actually supposed to be innocent fun, and remember that the kids are older and no matter what they're not gonna do anything else than be dumb babies and flip out over kissing but still! This is a necessary warning! _  
><em>

Oh, one last thing. Good gravy miss mavy those reviews! Thank you for commenting, it's greatly appreciated!

* * *

><p>Snap was at a loss. He could admit, somewhat begrudgingly, that he wasn't the smartest guy in Chalkzone. But he wasn't the dumbest, either! That slot belonged to Blocky.<p>

He pouted, crossing his arms as he marched ahead of Penny.

With a relative like Blocky, and a creator like Rudy, what was to be expected?

But then again, Rudy was not just any creator, he was **the** creator. A creative creator at that. And then there was Penny. He had her. Smart, quick witted, pretty. Snap stopped short, Penny bumped into his back.

"Oof!" Penny stumbled back a bit. Her glasses fell to the ground. "What was that for, Snap?"

He turned around slowly, revealing a wide, wolfish, _devilish_ grin. Penny recoiled as the chalk drawing advanced, both drawing up their arms for different reasons.

"_Penny!"_ he spat through his teeth.

"Um..._yes?_"

"_Penny, I got it!"_ Snap was chuckling now, his mirth spilling over into an outright joy. The smirk grew into a toothy smile, and then broke into an outright smile beaming guffaw.

Penny stopped her backwards retreat. She cocked her head.

"Okay. Let me hear it."

Snap opened his mouth, then closed it, suppressing a childish little snicker. His shoulders were hunched and shaking, possibly from laughter or from excitement. Penny couldn't tell.

"I'm waiting." Crossing her arms in a no nonsense way, Penny stared Snap down. She didn't like getting left out of the loop, or being laughed at. And although she knew Snap wasn't likely to do so, she was beginning to get this niggling little idea that he was insinuating that she was stupid. His laughter almost seemed condescending, and if he wasn't going to take their bet seriously, he wasn't going to take her perusal of science seriously. And that would be monument to not taking _her_ seriously. "_Snap._"_  
><em>

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Here we go. Let's experiment." Snap threw his arms out and awaited a response. "Period." He added after not receiving one.

"Snap!"

"What, I'm being serious!" He said, smile still full fledged.

"Are you?"

"Yes!"

"Well then let's _think up an actual_ **idea**!"

"I just did!"

"Experimenting? On what? What's your hypothesis?"

"Experimenting. Ya know..." Snap raised a lewd eyebrow. "You, me. _Experiment_."

Penny still didn't get it. Snap sighed, making Penny's face flush with anger.

"Like...uh. Okay. You want a hypothesis, huh? I hypothesize that I can-"

"If."

Snap stopped short, looking offended.

"Huh?"

"You should make you hypothesis an if statement for clarity's sake. It will make you assertion, you're argument if you will, much easier to formulate and for me to comprehend...that is, if it's not comprehensible. I'll be able to assist you."

"_If _I find some sort of, um, plastic...thing. Barrier," he corrected, "If I can find a plastic barrier to put over my mouth-"

"What-"

"Let me finish!"

"I'm already horribly confused."

"About what? What am I doing wrong?"

Penny sighed. Now she was the one being difficult. She didn't mean that. Easing her tension with a light smile, she looked to Snap, shaking her head.

"Nothing. You're doing nothing wrong, I'm sorry. Keep going."

Snap paused, mainly because Penny's sudden change in demeanor confused him. What confused him even more is that he liked it. The way she smiled, the way she spoke softly. She was making an effort to be nice, so he would make an effort to _not_ be an idiot. He cleared his throat before continuing.

"If I can find some sort of malleable, non..." it took him a moment to recall the correct word, "porous substance, to act as a water proof barrier, then maybe we could...kiss?"

And all in one moment, Penny's face blushed bright beet red, and her vision swam, and maybe for a split second it almost faded to black. When her world settled, she blinked to clear her head, stuttered twice to clear her mouth, and three times needlessly readjusted her round, pink glasses because she imagined them fogging up like they did in cartoons (which wouldn't be a ridiculous notion considering Chalkzone was essentially one giant, living cartoon). Snap patiently waited her answer. Once she settled the frame over her nose, she saw his confidence shrinking as the seconds pass. It was almost cute.

Or it would be, if her own confidence wasn't currently burying its head in the ground like a panicked ostrich.

She was so inexperienced with this sort of thing! Sure, she had kissed boys before. She had kissed _Rudy_ before. A few times, actually. And yes, every time was mortifying, but she got through them. None of those times were like this, where she _liked _boy as much, and where her kiss could _hurt _him as much. Well, at all, really. Penny suddenly realized that she had been silent for far too long, and that Snap was beginning to look worried, and a little embarrassed.

When she spoke, her voice caught in he throat. She choked on it before remembering to swallow, then breath.

"I-I think that your hypothesis," a brief pause to muster her courage, and then, "might be plausible."

"ENGLISH!"

His outburst startled her, made her wanted to laugh because of how desperate he sounded.

"Yes!"

Snap's mouth hung open.

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

He laughed, a short, wonderful sound escaping his mouth before he covered his eyes with a gloved hand and shook his head in apparent relief.

"She said yes."

"I said yes." Penny stepped closer and took his hands into her own. "Well, let's find that barrier, huh? Although, I think the proper term might be dam. As in a dental dam."

Snap turned to her with a sour look.

"That sounds really unappealing. I'm not trying to go to the dentist, Penny, I just wanna play a little tonsil hockey."

Now it was Penny's turn to curl her lip.

"Don't ever call it that ever again. Talk about unappealing."

"Well let's find a middle ground. What in the heck is a dental dam?"

Penny's eyes drew to the side as she remembered an extremely awkward talk she once had with her doctor. After mumbling out a poorly phrased explanation of her then-current situation, her doctor had mistakenly suggested one of the most useless forms of contraception known to man (or more precisely, women): the dental dam. Named so because of it's use as a literal dam in literal dental work. Snap was right about the unappealing name.

"It's basically a latex sheet designed for...um, protection."

"Of what?"

Penny scrunched her nose. For someone so fond of euphemisms and innuendo, Snap could be extremely naive. But so could Chalkzone as a whole, so she could cut him some slack.

"Sensitive parts."

"Like?"

"Snap, come on!" Penny pinched the bridge of her nose. Snap crossed his arms.

"Are you talking about sex, because, as flattering as that is, I only proposed we try kissing. Come on Penny, I'm not suicidal."

Penny nearly doubled over. She had to steady herself on Snap's shoulder to keep her knees from wobbling.

"**NO!" **She spat. "I'm not talking about that! Jeez!"

"Okay, then spit it out! You're being so vague! I'm not five!"

"A dental dam is basically a square sheet of latex," Penny started, speaking quietly and quickly, "a rolled out condom if you will, used as a contraceptive for oral stimulation."

Snap sighed, copying Penny in pinching his bridge.

"I know, I know, english." Her face was burning at this point. Articulating her words into a slower, more laymen friendly speech, Penny tried again. "They're condoms for lesbians to use during head but nobody uses them because they're dumb and pointless and almost useless."

Snap was blushing too, at this point.

But then he busted out laughing.

"So you were talking about sex. But, but we're not lesbians!"

Penny gave a chuckle.

"Yes, but you see my point, right? We can use them as a barrier for kissing." She could almost see the lightbulb go off in Snap's mind. Suddenly, without warning, he grabbed her by the shoulders and hugged her tight.

"You're a genius! I was thinking of using the plastic wrap I have at home!"

Penny's face melted into a content smile, one that vanished quickly as she considered Snap's logic.

"But if it was chalk seran wrap, it would dissolve once it touched my saliva."

"Which is why you're a genius!" He emphasized this by shaking her gently. Pulling back, he looked her over, a sly smirk adorning his blue and white face.

"What?"

"Why do you have lesbian condoms, Penny?" Snap had no time to duck the slap. Penny's hand connected with his face before he could even finish his question. He stumbled backwards with his own hand to his own cheek, anger slowly taking over shock.

"What the hell was that for!?"

"For being so crude! If you're insinuating that I'm homosexual, while not offensive in itself, you're wrong. But if you're insinuating that I engage in such activity, homo _or_ heterosexual, well, that's insulting!"

Snap looked confused and hurt. The look he gave her made Penny regret slapping him.

"I-well I know what that sounded like, but I didn't mean it like that. It was an honest question. And _jeez do you slap hard_!"

Penny looked down, rubbing her at arm.

"Sorry."

"I wasn't making a joke about you being a lesbian, if that is what I think it is..." Snap trailed off, the word Jewish ringing in his head, "and I definitely don't think of you, uh, like that."

"Like what?"

"You know, just with anybody. Because I know how you are. But even if I did, what's so wrong with that?" Rather than sounding nosy or defensive, Snap's question just sounded honest. Like he genuinely didn't understand.

"Because of just that! I'm not like that, and I don't want you to think that I am!"

"Well I don't. I just wanted to try kissing. Because I like you. N-nothing else." Snap looked away, biting his lip.

"Don't worry; I know. I guess I'm the one who brought it up. And you didn't really offend me, I'm just sort of a prude, I've always assumed." Penny reached out and turned Snap's face around to her, rubbing where she slapped. "I like you too."

Snap gave a lopsided grin. He punched her in the shoulder.

"I like you too, Penny."

"You already said that."

"Okay, well now that all of _that_ is behind us, why don't we go find some of those dental dams!"

Penny nodded. This time, she grabbed her boyfriend's hand and lead him down the sidewalk.

"Okay, we'll need to go to my place. I don't actually own any, but I know where to get some."

"Fine by me. Do we get to go into the real world?" Snap asked hopefully. Despite all of its mortal dangers, Snap loved venturing out into Rudy and Penny's world. Rudy loved having him too, but Penny usually worried herself sick over the little things, like leaky faucets or spilt milk, and of course, rain.

"Maybe." She'd deal with that once they got to her room. "But I still want to be scientific about this. We'll run multiple tests, we'll need a control, and maybe take notes." She turned to see if Snap was following her. He was, both literally and figuratively, wearing a shit eating grin. She could get used to that.

"All of that. Fine by me." He repeated. Instead of her usual exasperation, Penny found herself agreeing. This would be interesting. "So, uh," Snap's voice pulled Penny from her thoughts, "you really didn't know I'm supposed to be a superhero?"

* * *

><p>Rudy had been to Snap's house countless times. But Snap had also owned countless houses. It seemed like every couple of months he'd move or have Rudy design an entirely new home. Rudy never minded. he loved having a reason to practice architectural designs, and the older he got the more refined his work became. So every couple of months, Snap's house only became cooler and cooler (if not a bit more practical, each round.) The most recent reincarnation was an experiment in Scandinavian minimalism with a twist of Japanese compaction (for both feng shui and engineering function)-of course, this was all lost on Snap, and even Penny. Art was never her forte. Rudy was proud of his work nonetheless.<p>

He stood in the middle of the living room with his arms akimbo, surveying his handiwork.

After about three minutes this got boring, so he kicked off his shoes and settled in on the couch. He was just about to flip the television on before he realised, _there was no television to be flipped on_. This made Rudy bolt upright. He shot his head the right, to the left, then behind him, and even upwards. Nothing. No tv.

He remembered playing video games with Snap...in his own living room. Not Snap's. And watching late night movies...at Penny's house. Even singing karaoke, at Rapsheeba's. Never at Snap's house. It dawned at Rudy that Snap didn't spend much time at home. Whenever he would visit Chalkzone, Snap would be out, doing something. Sure, he could find him easily enough, but he'd be around town or maybe water skiing with penguins or sky diving through cotton candy clouds or anything but sitting at home.

"Huh." He said aloud. To no one but himself.

So Snap's house was boring. Pretty, but boring.

"Pretty boring."

When he wasn't drawing, Rudy wasn't used to being alone. He also wasn't used to being a third wheel, or being ditched.

"Is it considered ditching if it's a date?" Probably not.

Rudy wasn't one to anger easily. He didn't feel left out, and he was happy that his friends were getting along well enough to go try something by themselves.

Without him.

That didn't change the fact that he was bored.

Rudy looked down into his pocket to look at his chalk. Should he draw something? Draw Snap a tv? No. He should draw something for himself.

Kicking his socked feet up over the headboard of the couch, Rudy hung upside down. His chestnut hair brushed against the immaculate, but chalky bamboo floors.

"How does one please oneself?"

Had someone been there to point out the concept of onanism to Rudy, he might have phrased his question differently. But they weren't so he didn't. Instead, his simple mind played into the few ways he could imagine pleasuring himself, alone. It was hard. Rudy was used to doing things for other people, and in turn, having fun _with _them _through_ those means.

In short, Rudy was a giver. A pitcher, maybe. Rudy smiled as he pictured himself throwing a mean curveball. He sucked at sports, despite being tall. He lacked coordination. Speaking of which, his position on the couch gave out and Rudy slipped onto the floor, head first.

"Ow!"

Sitting upright, he rubbed his tender head.

"How do I become a catcher?"

Again, if someone were there to explain how poor a metaphor that was, Rudy might have chosen a different image to conjure. And again, no one was, so he pictured himself catching said mean curveball.

Snapping his fingers, Rudy stood erect.

"That's it! I gotta be the pitcher a_nd_ the catcher! I gotta be both so I can do both and have fun doing me!"

With resolution, Rudy pounded a fist to his chest. The emotion was building up in his chest, climaxing into a verbal ejaculation of;

"I must do me!"

* * *

><p>While Rudy was having an existential epiphany elsewhere, Penny and Snap were climbing through a chalkboard, into the real world.<p>

Penny went first, helping Snap into her room as he climbed after.

"Alright, first things first." Penny said matter-of-factly as she erased the portal, "let's check the weather."

Snap kept quiet, the suggesting both annoying and pleasing him. He took a glance outside, seeing nothing but sunny skies.

Penny wasn't so sure. She opened up the browser on her laptop and searched Google for the local forecast. After a few moments, she seemed satisfied, and closed laptop.

"We're good to go. Mostly sunny with a thirty percent chance of showers around seven pm." Just to be sure, she checked her watch. While Snap lived in that murky space between day and dusk, it was 3:14 pm in the real world. "But just in case, I'm bringing these." Penny grabbed an umbrella from her closet. Snap nodded, but then Penny went back into her closet and pulled out a cheesy yellow raincoat and bright red rain boots.

"Uh-uh, no way am I wearing those."

"Not even if it rains? Better to be safe than sorry."

That much was enough to make Snap keep his mouth shut. Penny nodded with smugness before shoving the goods into her backpack. She placed it onto Snap's back, warranting a few nagging questions about why she wasn't carrying it, to which she simply reminded him about his own survival.

The pair made their way out to Penny's 1996 Chevy Impala. It was an ugly, maroon hunk of junk, but it ran good and it didn't smell like cigarette, so it suited Penny just fine.

"So, where are we going?"

"To a CVS, and if they don't have what we're looking for...", Penny audibly gulped, "then we might have to visit, _The Tunnel of Love_."

* * *

><p>God forgive me. Join us next chapter where Rudy inserts pleasure directly into his animus for some interesting and stimulating results, and Penny gets into a fight with a store clerk over what STDs she may or may not have. <em>All this over one little experiment.<em>


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